Kamis, Desember 31, 2015

2015 ~ The Year of Happiness ~

Hello Dreamers !
Sorry for late update , so today i want to thanks to god !
I have a beautiful year again this year.
There's so many thing happened this year .
I'm glad and thankful that god give me a chance so i still can alive and can do everything that i never done before.
Met so many friends which is i can tell them they are my family right now.
I can take a part to something i never done before , like become a singer for Ennichisai Movie theme song. It's really such an honor.

It's all started when i'm still and active at youtube as czkim 
It's stand for Chezzy Kim
why that name ? Before i'm joining Japan World , i was so in love with korean culture ( Well i still do love korean culture haha )
So i decided that i will use that name.
At that time , i really love uploading lot of stuff , when i think of it , i feel disgusting about myself/
it's just too funny and such a weird of me.

( it's already gone , i banned by youtube now haha )

Why i started my youtube account ?
Did you know justin bieber ? I thought that i can be the one of Youtube singer as well.
Maybe someday , someone will see me on youtube so i started using youtube at 2010.
but then after 2012 there's nothing change.
So i decided that i have to change as well.
i want to be a singer and i want to fix my life as well..
why ?
so i'm the last child from 5 children.
All of my brother and sister already married , and what left is me now
Did you ever heard my Higher song's ?
There's some part of lyrics said
" Jakaruta no kensou no naka hitori watashi o sodateta "
It's mean " in the big city of jakarta ( actually i was raised in bandung haha ) she is the one who raise me "
Yesh. I born in single parent family , so i need to do my best to my mom.
everyone want their best for their parent.
Yesh , sometimes i always arguing with my mom , since we looks like big sister and little sister now.
i remember when i was bullied a lot in elementary and junior high, i never tell my mom or anyone. that because i don't want my mom worried about me. besides i don't feel like it bothers me ( or maybe i pretend that it was oke )
This year , i told my mom that i've been bullied for several years. 
not only at elemantary school or high school. 
but also in playground ( Seriously ? Yeah Seriously )
My mom was so surprised .
At elemantary school , yeah i'm such a brat since i really hate this girl. because of her no one wanna talk to me in the whole school , so i had a chance to do something bad. i feel sorry about it after.
And i remember a lot when someone fall and make her forehead cut by something and everyone was blaming on me. i can't said anything . i just like said this on my mind " am i doing that ? but i'm in different circle with her . i have supernatural "
i remember at that time i was in grade 4th of my elemantary school.
And did you know what happened now ?
They maybe already forget about what they did to me.
I forgive them but i can't forget .
So i want to said if you bullying someone now , you have to think .. that you make a big impact to them negative or positive way , so just stop bullying.
because maybe you will forget it someday or later but not the victims.
Go said apologize may help it.
but.. some of them won't said that . because they never think they are bullying someone.
back to the story haha

i want to fix my life so my mom will be have a good life as well
is not about my dreams , it's about my mom as well..
and it's not all about my mom..
it's about my dream as well..
since i was a kid , i have a dream that i will have a big concert !
i always listen to mariah carey , whitney houston and celine dion .
i remember i'm so crazy about NSYCN ? how to write it again ?
I think that's why i can't sing low tone so well , i guess it's because i never practice it since the beginning.

(photo by pitra)

So since i want to change , i need to go out to the world which never i imagine before.
going to jakarta for join competition .
it's been a while since i'm in competition.
my last time is maybe around 2003 and i'm shaking because of nervous and forget a whole lyrics.
it's happened in lawson competition as well. 
it's such embrassing but i learn from that .

Since i want to change , i join lot of competition but never win or always be a runner up.
Join in the band. 
I'm sorry i can't going with you guys now.
I'm sorry to ruin everything.
Thank you for give me some place to grow..
Thank you so much Aozora band.

And here i am right now..
2013 first met with my producer as well as my manager
He keep believe in me..
no matter how not good i am..
he always believe that i can do it..
it's really hard to keep trust from people, so i will do much as i can and i dont want make them to dissapoint.
to everyone who support me ,
i don't want to let them down.

Some people said that i have to quit with something uncertain like this.
they said you only wasted some money. 
but now i think they wrong.
it's not a lot but i receive some money from this , slowly but sure my mom life and my life can be fix.
we are a little bit steady now, but not too well.
some people will try to make you down and make you give up.
but the one who can make a decision is you..
you are the one who can stop it or keep on it..
sometimes i want to stop.. sometimes i think they right..
but , when i remember the whole thing that i came to this so far ..
i can't give up easily..
i don't want to give up.. besides my mom is support me, i don't want let her down.

This 2015 i met Keion as well..
I meet a new Family .
From Stranger to became Family it's so fast especially for me.
I found something warmer , having fun with them is such a beautiful moment .
And it's such a moment that i'm always waiting for when i go to Jakarta.
I have new little sister and new little brother.
I have lot of new okaa-san and new father as well.
We sharing music and life.
Sometimes i feel grown up around them.
and my friend who help me a lot this year as well !

I go to japan 3 times this year.
Lucky !
And this year i have lot of job as well.
I can buy guitar from it .
I feel grateful.
This year is super year for me.
God thank you for this year, i'm sorry for always complaining .
i'm sorry for the mistake what have i done this year.
i wish next year i will become a good person. more a good person.
i wish everything will goes so well..
i wish i can meet another year .. 
i wish i will grown up older..
I wish for everyone a happy new year !
let's do our best again this year !

Let's start today with a SMILE
and end up with a BIG SMILE !
Lot of Love,

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